is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
