Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
