Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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