I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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