I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize