ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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