rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
