If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
