Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry about my life...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
