I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
