Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
