Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
do nipples grow back?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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