dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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