I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
