Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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