Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
