I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
