Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
