Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh god it's open bar.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
