Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
