you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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