last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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