id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
