..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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