Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
