this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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