hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
