Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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