we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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