Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
