I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
