the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize