In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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