can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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