i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
