You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
