So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
