wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
