Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
