Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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