My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
