so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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