my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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