giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
