I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
