hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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