i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
why is half of my head shaved?
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