I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
