While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want nice things and good sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
