I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize