FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
