Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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