I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
