Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize