I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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