U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
