i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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