just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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