Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
