Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
