Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
