i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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