Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
