what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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