i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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