pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pants are for mortals
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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