And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
