I look better un-naked...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
