You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
